The Return from the Balrog

David Orendorff · John 20:19-23 · April 15, 2007

Most of you know that in J.R. Tolkien’s Hobbit and Lord of the Ring series there is a wise, kindly and brave wizard named Gandalf.  At one point in the story Gandalf leads Bilbo Baggins and a troop of dwarves to safety in the caves of Moria.  In the caves they encounter the Balrog, a vicious and evil dragon. Gandalf fights the Balrog while the others escape. The battle is fought on Durin’s bridge as it crosses a great chasm.  When Gandalf knocks the Balrog from the bridge, the Balrog lashes out with its tail, ensnares Gandalf, and drags him into the abyss below. 1 J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings Part One, The Fellowship of the Ring, (New York: Ballantine Books, 1989), 428-430. Later Gandalf reappears to the remnant of his troops.  At first they don't recognize him.  Then they ask him to tell what happened.

...a cloud of pain passed over (Gandalf’s) face, and he sat silent, looking old as death.  'Long time I fell,' he said at last, slowly, as if thinking back with difficulty.  'Long I fell, and he fell with me.  His fire was about me.  I was burned.  Then we plunged into the deep water and all was dark.  Cold it was as the tide of death: almost it froze my heart.' 2 The story that follows is from section of J.R.Rl Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings Part Two, The Two Towers, (New York: Ballatine Books,1989), 133-138.

What Gandalf describes is the pain of being in the grip of something evil.  For us that evil might be an illness, a dying relationship or job.  It might be a struggle with inner Balrogs as they drag us into moods and desires that plunge us into deep waters and freeze our hearts.  It might be the evils of war, injustice or hunger.  Or it might be death itself.

“Deep is the abyss that is spanned by Durin's Bridge, and none has measured,” said Gimli.

“Yet it has a bottom, beyond light and knowledge,” said Gandalf.  “Thither I came at last, to the uttermost foundations of stone.  He was with me still.  His fire was quenched, but now he was a thing of slime, stronger than a strangling snake.”

There is good news and bad news.  The good news: there is a bottom to the abyss of evil.  The bad news: being at the bottom of the abyss does not mean the battle is over.

We fought far under the living earth, where time is not counted.  Ever he clutched me, and ever I hewed him, till at last he fled into dark tunnels… In…despair my enemy was my only hope, and I pursued him, clutching at his heel.  Thus he brought me back at last to the secret ways of Khazad-dûm… Ever up now we went, until we came to the Endless Stair…From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak it climbed, ascending in unbroken spiral in many thousand steps, until it issued at last in Durin's Tower carved in the living rock of Zirakzigil, the pinnacle of the Silvertine.

Strangely, it can be our enemy, the very thing we hate and fear, that leads us from the deep to the light, where the battle continues.  The good news: there are peaks of great light in our battle.  The bad news: even at the peaks the battle continues.

Out he sprang, and even as I came behind, he burst into new flame…A great smoke rose about us, vapor and steam.  Ice fell like rain.  I threw down my enemy, and he fell from the high place and broke the mountain-side where he smote it in his ruin.  Then darkness took me, and I stayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell.

And when the battle is over the journey continues in a mystery that only those who have gone into the depths and the heights to fight the Balrog can know.

Naked I was sent back - for a brief time, until my task was done.  And naked I lay upon the mountain-top… I was alone, forgotten, without escape upon the hard horn of the world.  There I lay staring upward, while the stars wheeled over, and each day was as long as a life-age of the earth… And so at the last Gwihir the Windlord found me again, and he took me up and bore me away.

Finally, it is the Windlord, the Lord of the Wind, the Lord of the Spirit that will lift us on wings of eagles and bring us home.  It is the Holy Spirit that will save us and raise us from the dead.

Ever am I fated to be your burden, friend at need," I said.

"A burden you have been," he answered, "but not so now.  Light as a swan's feather in my claw you are.  The Sun shines through you.  Indeed I do not think you need me any more: were I to let you fall, you would float upon the wind."

To go to the depths and heights of cold anguish and dark despair, to wrestle with monsters and demons, to be led to salvation by our enemy, and to be raised on the wings of eagles, is to move the flesh toward the lightness of spirit.

To be alive is to know suffering and death.  But as Christians to be alive is also to affirm that on the third day Jesus was raised from the dead. Tolkien’s tale and our gospels oft repeat the formula of death and resurrection, of dying and rising, which heals us by a divine transformation. The final gospel, the ultimate good news, is that we can trust God with our inevitable deaths because God resurrects the dead.  God transforms death into new life.  No matter what the cross or Balrog, God makes all things new.

It is our experience that those who have died, who have lost a love or a job, who suffer a terminal illness, by faith have had their lives transformed to a new, wonderful and powerful lightness of being.  To die and be raised is not an escape from death, but is the transforming of the final enemy into the first friend, is the transformation of the cross from the moment of defeat to the beginning of victory, and is our transformation from a fearful slavery to a compassionate freedom.

An alcoholic woman, grateful that her disease has led her to recovery, writes of her transformation: 

Every day I feel a little bit more useful, more happy and more free.  Life, including some ups and downs, is a lot of fun.  I am a part of A.A. which is a way of life.  If I had not become an active alcoholic and joined A.A., I might never have found my own identity or become a part of anything.  In ending my story I like to think about this. 3 Alcoholics Anonymous, (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1976), 417.

If we are to have this transformation, to have our own resurrection from death, then we must follow Jesus to the abyss of the cross.  We called by God to worship, study and service. It is my experience, strength and hope that all suffering, even death, leads to God and to peace.

Make no mistake to be nailed to a cross hurts badly.  To fall into a physical or mental abyss is anguishing.  The agony of disease, alienation, and grief in this life is always with us.  Whatever cross is ours we suffer and there is no escape. 

Without grace our suffering is full of bitterness, cynicism, and violence.  But in God’s resurrecting grace there is transformation.  Suffering transformed by grace opens us to a life which knows gratitude for our daily bread and for those who love us.  Without grace our dying is filled with a great fear that controls our unconscious and thus our conscious and we act in ways that seem foreign to our soul.  But death transformed by grace becomes an opportunity to savor every breath, to sing with the angels and to know directly the beauty of the heart of God.  Without grace there is only the abyss and we are afraid of the fall.  But with grace we can be without fear for God has transformed our fall into the prelude of our rising, has made our enemy our spiritual director, and will raise us by the Spirit into a new lightness of being.

The revelation and promise of Easter is that no matter what our suffering and what our death God will resurrect us and make us new life.  If we are dragged by monsters to the depths of Sheol, God is there and will raise us up.  If we are grabbed by those who would persecute us and crucify us, God will use the cross of our crucifixion as the way of eternal life.  Should we descend into hell and there know the pain of broken love and lost hope, God will make hell the academy of grace and we shall become compassion itself.

We rejoice in Easter not because we have escaped suffering and death, but because we have taken up our crosses passed through death to a resurrected divine transformation.  Our anguish becomes our teacher and grace becomes the mysterious transformer that raises us up and leads us home.  Thanks be to God.  Amen and Shalom.

 Addendum: On not recognizing the resurrected Jesus

In today's scripture the resurrected Jesus enters behind the locked doors and to the frightened disciples says, "Peace be with you."  But the dying and rising Jesus has been so changed that his followers don't recognize him.  Earlier Mary meets Jesus at the tomb, and doesn't recognize him (John 20:14). Later Thomas will fail to recognize the resurrected Jesus (John 20:26-28) and seek proof that it is really him.  And later still, when the disciples are out fishing for breakfast, Jesus appears but again they do not recognize him (John 21:4). 

Luke's also says that the disciples often failed to recognize their resurrected Lord.  On the road to Emmaus Cleopas and another disciple are walking along and Jesus joins them, but they do not know him (Luke 24:13-16).  Later when Jesus appears to the disciples in Jerusalem, even after being told by the two from Emmaus to expect an appearance, they do not know Jesus (Luke 24:36-37).