David Orendorff - Matthew 10:34-39

I once had a District Superintendent who hated conflict and avoided it. There was a church is the District that loved conflict to an unhealthy degree and my DS dreaded presiding at their charge conference. His solution was to send me.

I don’t honestly like conflict either. I can take it personally and am inclined to believe that it is my fault. If it is clearly not my fault (it has to be pretty darn clear) then I should be able to fix it. And if I can’t fix it then I am just as guilty as if I caused it. Even knowing this about myself I still sometimes think it is my job to keep everyone happy and if for some reason they aren’t happy then I am guilty, should be ashamed and am a bad pastor. But conflict is inevitable. Competing values, egos, old wounds all make us prone to fight.

But shouldn’t things be different for good Christians. One of the titles we have given to Jesus is Prince of Peace and we have understood him to be a meek and mild pacifist. Shouldn’t Christians be the princes and princesses of peace? Shouldn’t we have a pretty constant diet of shalom?

If our lives are to be like Jesus’ life then a cursory reading of Jesus’ life would tell us “no.” Even for Jesus, conflict is inevitable. Jesus had conflict with his family. We are told the story of when Jesus’ mother, brothers and sisters came to see him Jesus was too busy to see them and even said that his real mother, brothers and sisters were his students doing the will of God.1 Mark 3:31-35; Matthew 12:46-50; Luke 8:19-21

We are told that there was conflict among Jesus’ closest disciples when they argued over who would be the greatest.2 Mark 9:33-37; Matthew 18:1-5; Luke 9:46-48 It is a trusted disciple that betrays Jesus at his arrest.3 Mark 14:10-11; Matthew 26:14-16; Luke 22:3-6 When merchants turn the holy place of the temple into a market place Jesus actively enters into conflict with them. He turns their tables over and chases them out.4 Mark 11:15-17; Matthew 21:12-17; Luke 19:45-48; John 2:13-22 Jesus is in constant conflict with several religious authorities, the representatives of his church. They are so angry and afraid of him that they plot his death. So frustrated is Jesus with them great that he warns his followers to avoid them, he calls them vipers, serpents, and hypocrites.5 Mark 12:38-40; Matthew 3:7; 12:34; Luke 3:7 It is this conflict that culminates in Jesus’ crucifixion.6 Mark 11:18 et al; Mark 14:43-15:40 and parallels

The conflict did not end with Jesus’ death or resurrection but spread through the Jewish and Gentile world, leading to a bitter division between Judaism and Christianity and a general persecution of those who dared to follow Jesus. The followers of Jesus split families and communities. Following Jesus could and often did bring a dividing sword among families and friends.

It is our hope and prayer that trusting God Creator, Christ and Holy Spirit will bring lives of harmony and peace. Maybe we can understand that conflict is inevitable at work, and reluctantly, in our fragile families. But our expectations for Jesus’ people, the church, is that she will, like Jesus, be harmonious and without conflict. So when conflict arises among us church types we are appalled. Some of us run away. Others bring out the verbal sword and sometimes we have literally killed each other. Sadly, Bear Creek has known plenty of internal conflict in its short history. So far I don’t know of any associated murders but I do know of some who ran away and others who still carry a bitter resentment. Conflict is ugly.

But ugly as it is, conflict can be the way to a deeper peace. David and Vera Mace in their writings on marriage tell us that marital conflict offers the promise of deepened intimacy. Couples who engage their conflict, first trying to understand each other, and understand themselves discover on the other side of the conflict a deeper connection and a stronger marriage. Couples (and I would say communities) that hide their conflict find the community less connected and weaker for it. The Maces are not advising couples to be continually conflicted because making up feels so good. They are suggesting that when conflict happens it is an opportunity to strengthen the marriage.

And so it can be with this Christian marriage to each other. Though conflict is inevitable it does not have to be fatal. It is true that we will argue not only with the world around us but also amongst ourselves. But the question for Christians is not “will there be conflict,” but “what we do, how do we behave, when there is conflict.” Though conflict is inevitable the divisive outcome of conflict is not inevitable. Conflict can bind us more strongly together with God.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that each of us should pick a fight at coffee fellowship. I am saying that when conflict comes to the church (or wherever else we live) though we may be tempted to flee or fight back, it is better that with servant love in our hearts and souls, we engage each other around the conflict while watching for God’s way back to harmony and wholeness. I agree with the Maces that conflict is an opportunity to be faithful disciples and to gain a hundred fold in our marriages, families and churches.

Patty Hansen tells a parable to remind us that we have a choice about whether to actively avoid or lovingly engage the conflict of our lives and the consequences of that choice:

Two seeds lay side by side in the fertile spring soil.

The first seed said, “I want to grow! I want to send my sprouts though the earth’s crust above me… I want to unfurl my tender buds like banners to announce the arrival of spring… I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessing of the morning dew on my petals!”
And so she grew.

The second seed said, “I am afraid. If I send my roots into the ground below, I don’t know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me I may damage my delicate sprouts…what if I let my buds open and a snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossoms, a small child may pull me from the ground. No, it is much better for me to wait until it is safe.”
And so she waited.

A yard hen scratching around in the early spring ground found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.7 Patty Hansen, Risking in Chicken Soup for the Soul, written and compiled by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, (Health Communications, Inc., 1993) 220”

When we find ourselves in a conflicted situation, whether it is we who create the conflict or not, it is we who must choose whether to be a follower of Jesus or not. Put simply, in life’s conflicts will we run away and hide to protect ourselves in some dark hole? Will we indeed take up the sword or its modern equivalent? Or will we risk reaching out with hospitality and forgiveness in lovingkindness?

We have the choice. Of course, if we hide away we will be eaten by a scavenging yard chicken. And if we arm ourselves and fight violence with violence, an eye for an eye, we will eventually all be blind. But if we send out our delicate sprouts of servant love, risking everything for another adventure and a little sun on our faces, we will know the true shalom that is with us even as conflict is with us.

Jesus, as usual, is right; conflict is the inevitable result of being in life and particularly of being Christian. But Jesus is also right that no amount of conflict can diminish the wonderful and beautiful brightness of the sun as it shines upon our faces. For the promise of life is not conflict, but is resurrection and love within and beyond conflict.

Else where Jesus says it this way, “I swear to you, there is no one who has left home, or bothers, or sisters, or mother, or father, or children or farms, for my sake and the gospel, who won’t receive a hundred times as much now, in the present time, homes, and brothers, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and farms, with persecutions (conflict) and in the age to come, eternal life.”8 Mark 10:29-30 and parallels

So neither seek nor fear conflict, but search for the Holy Spirit of Jesus in whatever conflict is yours and there you will find the Kingdom of Heaven.

Amen and Shalom.

[1] Mark 3:31-35; Matthew 12:46-50; Luke 8:19-21

[2] Mark 9:33-37; Matthew 18:1-5; Luke 9:46-48

[3] Mark 14:10-11; Matthew 26:14-16; Luke 22:3-6

[4] Mark 11:15-17; Matthew 21:12-17; Luke 19:45-48; John 2:13-22

[5] Mark 12:38-40; Matthew 3:7; 12:34; Luke 3:7

[6] Mark 11:18 et al; Mark 14:43-15:40 and parallels

[7] Patty Hansen, Risking in Chicken Soup for the Soul, written and compiled by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, (Health Communications, Inc., 1993) 220

[8] Mark 10:29-30 and parallels